cat /dev/random >> blog

Seen God?

scbarber — Wed, 20 May 2009 17:53:00 +0000

nev: !seen God pb: Only in my dreams.

For reference “pb” is a bot in a chatroom. I guess now we know what robots dream of. . . .

A Message to IE6 Users

scbarber — Fri, 15 May 2009 16:25:18 +0000

Is your web broken? Are you still using IE6? If you answered yes to either of these questions then you should have answered yes to the first one. Friends, we face a techno-demic of tragic proportions these days. Loved ones are left to flounder on the web using an outdated browser such as IE6. It’s a sad affair. Children are updating their blogs, uploading photos, remixing videos of themselves doing highly embarrassing things, and their parents cannot monitor what they are doing on the Internet because they use IE6 and their web is broken.

Don’t let this be you. Update your browser today. Better yet, switch to a better browser like Safari, Chrome, or even Firefox. If you don’t already own a Mac, why not start now?

(Some restrictions may apply. Void where prohibited. Offer good while supplies last. Side effects may include: nausea, heartburn, constipation, diarrhea, carpel tunnel, nearsightedness, lapses in moral judgement, loss of common sense, outrage, fits of laughter, total and utter confusion, despondency, hopelessness, and the need to discipline your children. Call a doctor if symptoms persist. Member FDIC. Call NOW!)

Wanted: Henchman

scbarber — Fri, 15 May 2009 14:44:33 +0000

I need a henchman.

I was up all night plotting my plot to take over the world, and you know what? I don’t have a henchman. I can’t rule the known world without a henchman! It’s against union regulations! I’m soooooooooooo despondent right now.

Atomic Code-Monkey Boy

scbarber — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 16:00:52 +0000

Me: I want a new title on my business cards: Atomic Code-Monkey Boy
Him: Whaaaat!
Him: Atomic is soooooo 50′s.
Me: Exactly.
Me: I’m bringing the pulp back into programming.
Him: heh
Me: I’m an atomic anthropomorphic gorilla who, as a result of a mad science experiment, has the mind of a genius programmer from the 21st century. Tragically the atomic matter-transfer time-travel proceedure has made me a little looney so my genius doesn’t show through as much.
Me: But that’s the hook see!
Me: I’m actually spending time trying to reclaim my brilliance
Me: Ha!
Me: IGOR!!!!!

A `fortune`

scbarber — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 20:20:06 +0000

A is for Amy who fell down the stairs, B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clair who wasted away, D is for Desmond thrown out of the sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach, F is for Fanny, sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George, smothered under a rug, H is for Hector, done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in the lake, J is for James who took lye, by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe, L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea, N is for Nevil who died of enui.
O is for Olive, run through with an awl, P is for Prue, trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quinton who sank in a mire, R is for Rhoda, consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who parished of fits, T is for Titas who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain, V is for Victor, squashed under a train.
W is for Winie, embedded in ice, X is for Xercies, devoured by mice.
Y is for Yoric whose head was bashed in, Z is for Zilla who drank too much gin.
— Edward Gorey “The Gastly Crumb Tines”

Yellow Lampshades with Pink Spots

scbarber — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 20:34:38 +0000

Do you find sadness sad?
Do you hate hatred?
Do you fear fear?
If you answered yes to any of the questions above, I cannot help you. But there is good news on the horizon! If you act now, on this one-time special Internet-only offer, you too can –

We interrupt this blog to warn all citizens that Godzilla is on a rampage in Neo Tokyo. We are evacuating all denizens of IRC, Jabber, and email to a server nearby his rather large tail. We are asking that you comply with our wishes and leave a pot of horseradish outside your backdoor. Thank-you. That is all.

10 Reasons Why Teddy > Mac

scbarber — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 21:15:49 +0000

Ten reasons why a slinky teddy makes a better birthday present for your wife, than a Mac.

10. Comes in more colors.
9. She can wear it.
8. It’s cheaper.
7. Any negative computer-karma does not apply.
6. Tech support is fun!
5. You won’t mind “rebooting” if it “freezes”.
4. The games are better.
3. Laptop? Desktop? Yup!
2. You can enjoy it too.
1. Need I spell it out? S-E-X.

I am !most People

scbarber — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 00:18:05 +0000

I am not most people. I am not even a people, because that would be grammatically incorrect.

The Truth Is Right Here: Fake UFO Hobbyist Scares People for Fun – Gizmodo

scbarber — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 17:27:39 +0000

The Truth Is Right Here: Fake UFO Hobbyist Scares People for Fun – Gizmodo
Fake UFO Hobbyist Scares People for Fun.

I think I may have found a new hero. Good on ya mate!

My Artistic Value?

scbarber — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 19:27:08 +0000

If the value of an artists work increase after his death, then if I die my art will be more valuable. What if I become undead?

What is Significant?

scbarber — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 19:03:58 +0000

It is no wonder English speaking people can’t decide if something is significant. The word is actually made up of the words “Sign if I can’t”. Mystery solved.

A Ninja is Just a Costume

scbarber — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 14:53:15 +0000

Let us imagine for a moment what a real ninja would be like. They would lack the supernatural powers we like to dream about. They would, however, retain their role as stealthy assassins. The funny thing about that is, what does a stealthy assassin look like? Does a ninja have a day job? Do modern assassins have day jobs? Do modern assassins wear uniforms while “on the job” so we can all tell “Ooooo! There goes a hitman!”

So, do you want to know who is cooler? A ninja or a pirate? I’ll say this: a pirate is not just a costume, but a ninja is. Shoot, even a lowly zombie isn’t just a mere costume. A pirate dressed up as a cowboy would still be a pirate (for he’d be at sea), and a zombie dressed as anything would still be a zombie (due to the rot, the shambling, and the urge to eat braaaaaaiiiiiinnnnsss).

Ninjas suck.

Late Night Calls

scbarber — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 20:49:51 +0000

If, in an effort to better submerse yourself into your second language of choice, you decide to only speak Klingon from the hours of 1AM – 6:45 AM it’s always a good idea to inform your work colleagues. Thus, should an emergency demand your attention at such hours of the night, they will know how best to communicate and avoid starting an imaginary intergalactic war. Unless of course you are just itching for a fight; then I wouldn’t tell them at all.

I Want A Really Good eBook Reader

scbarber — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 16:18:27 +0000

Something with a screen-size of a paperback.
Something that will read all open format documents.
Something that will sync with all OSes.
Something that will take SD cards.
Something that will use very little batteries.
Something that can be read in the sun, or in the dark equally well.
And I don’t want to spend more than $200 on it.

A bird in the hand . . .

scbarber — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 21:38:33 +0000

While a bird in the hand may be worth two in the bush the same does not hold true for gremlins. The problem is not one of scarcity of resources, as some might have you believe, but in the relative worth of said gremlin. All birds might be created equal, for the hungry of stomach, but each gremlin is created more equal than the previously sighted gremlin. Thus, if you see three gremlins the third gremlin you see will have more value than either of the first two. This is the gremlin you want in your hand.