nev: !seen God
pb: Only in my dreams.
For reference “pb” is a bot in a chatroom. I guess now we know what robots dream of. . . .
Is your web broken? Are you still using IE6? If you answered yes to either of these questions then you should have answered yes to the first one. Friends, we face a techno-demic of tragic proportions these days. Loved ones are left to flounder on the web using an outdated browser such as IE6. It’s a sad affair. Children are updating their blogs, uploading photos, remixing videos of themselves doing highly embarrassing things, and their parents cannot monitor what they are doing on the Internet because they use IE6 and their web is broken.
(Some restrictions may apply. Void where prohibited. Offer good while supplies last. Side effects may include: nausea, heartburn, constipation, diarrhea, carpel tunnel, nearsightedness, lapses in moral judgement, loss of common sense, outrage, fits of laughter, total and utter confusion, despondency, hopelessness, and the need to discipline your children. Call a doctor if symptoms persist. Member FDIC. Call NOW!)
I need a henchman.
I was up all night plotting my plot to take over the world, and you know what? I don’t have a henchman. I can’t rule the known world without a henchman! It’s against union regulations! I’m soooooooooooo despondent right now.
Me: I want a new title on my business cards: Atomic Code-Monkey Boy
Him: Atomic is soooooo 50’s.
Me: I’m bringing the pulp back into programming.
Me: I’m an atomic anthropomorphic gorilla who, as a result of a mad science experiment, has the mind of a genius programmer from the 21st century. Tragically the atomic matter-transfer time-travel proceedure has made me a little looney so my genius doesn’t show through as much.
Me: But that’s the hook see!
Me: I’m actually spending time trying to reclaim my brilliance
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs, B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clair who wasted away, D is for Desmond thrown out of the sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach, F is for Fanny, sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George, smothered under a rug, H is for Hector, done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in the lake, J is for James who took lye, by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe, L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea, N is for Nevil who died of enui.
O is for Olive, run through with an awl, P is for Prue, trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quinton who sank in a mire, R is for Rhoda, consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who parished of fits, T is for Titas who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain, V is for Victor, squashed under a train.
W is for Winie, embedded in ice, X is for Xercies, devoured by mice.
Y is for Yoric whose head was bashed in, Z is for Zilla who drank too much gin.
— Edward Gorey “The Gastly Crumb Tines”